Saturday, August 8, 2015

Me and My Crazy Life, as well as Expectations of Others

As a 16 year old, many people have been lately asking "what are my plans for the future". In all reality, I don't know. I do know that I want to follow God wherever he leads me. He has blessed me with a lot of different interests, and has recently been putting on my heart the want of being a wife, mother, and a stronger daughter in Him. Though, I still have a while before it all really matters. I mean, I could die today for all I know, but I feel there are things here for me to do before I am called to my true home. Which will be an awesome day.
At this point in my life, I have been struggling with a lot of doubts and insecurities, but I still trust that God will show me and teach me what I need to know. I'm not perfect, and I don't read my Bible as I should. But I am trusting that will change.  The past couple years I haven't really had many mentors in my life that will sit down with me, encourage me, challenge me, and point me to God. I have my parents, and recently God has opened the door with a couple friends, but other than that, times have been discouraging. And I feel like I am falling away.

The past couple days I've been looking up some books and listening to some podcasts by a few amazing Christian people, and couples. Reminding me that life is hard, Christ is worth it, and relationships take work. At the moment I just want a big dose of Jesus, taking time to study his word, discuss it, and live it. Though that is easier said than done.
My life is really crazy. Most of the time I have no idea what is going on till the day of, school I can't understand, choices to make (which I'm bad at deciding), tiring sports, trying relationships, a three year old sister, no place to be alone, and more. In is age of insecurity I am often distracted from taking time to spend with God by so many things.

Fear of man (what certain people think, or how they're going to respond) controls me at many times, and all I want to do is be my own person. Not have people telling me who they think I am, or what I like, and confining me into rules I have to live by to be "Soleil". Personalities change, interests and hobbies change, clothes and looks change. I'm not saying all of this is bad, but to a degrees, it can be very discouraging. I often dream of having a place where I can truly be myself, and discover who I am. Not kept back by invisible rules and expectations of what others think or expect. Where I can continue to discover truth and lessons for life.

People have an idea of what a teen should do as they grow up: finish highschool, go to college, date, get a fancy high paying job, get married, have a kid, and get him/her through school, kid moves out, and the couple retires, and has fun until the die. That is NOT how we are to live our lives! We are to seek God's will, and follow his calling. If marriage and kids are in that calling, wonderful. But we are not suppose to live life as a game. Having fun all the time, and living in luxury while others suffer. We are called to serve others, and love one another. To respect others, and to share the love of Christ,

Live bold. Seek God's direction. Love EVERYONE. No one is perfect, and we are all a beautiful creation.